451 - Let Us Pray

Let Us Pray
By Paul A. Corcoran

THE DEBATE over prayer in the schools raises some serious questions about just how far we should let this sort of thing go. Once it's OK in the classroom, can we keep them from praying in the cafeteria?

O Lord, deliver us from the destruction that wasteth at noonday."

Or, teachers from praying in the faculty lounge?

O Lord, give us peace.

Or, cheerleaders from chanting in the stadium?

Rah, rah, rah--sis, boom, bah;
God's on our side--Ha, ha, ha.

That ought to demoralize the other side.

I wonder if the sponsors of the prayer amendment realize what a Pandora's box they're opening? I mean, if they pass this thing, you'll see people wanting to pray all over the place. America is a democracy and that means equal rights, and that means if they can pray in the school, we can pray in the supermarket:

Bless this store, O Lord, we pray,
Keep it open night and day;
And if it's not too much trouble,
Keep its coupons always double.

And if in the supermarket, why not the shopping center?

I was glad when they said unto me, "Let us go over to the K-mart,Our feet are standing at thy gates, O Woolco. "

And if at the shopping center, why not at the mall?

Bless the mall, Oh, my soul, and forget not all its parking space.

There's no stopping it, once you let the cork out of the bottle.

Some of us may actually have jumped the gun on this. I was asked to pray at the dedication of a new swim club. It never occurred to me to check with the Supreme Court before I went there and prayed,

God is great and God is cool,
And we thank him for this pool.

I don't think my neighbor did, either, before he sent his kids off to tennis camp, praying,

I would rather be a McEnroe on the courts of the Lord,
Than to dwell on the greens at the country club.

Some people are praying that the new law won't pass, but really, I can't see why anybody would be against something as American as

Paul A. Corcoran is the minister of the Gwynedd Square Presbyterian Church, Lansdale, Pa. A former teacher of economics at the University of Pittsburgh and at Dickinson College, his hobby is writing satiric take-offs on ministerial and ecclesiastical foibles. This present item is reprinted with permission from The Presbyterian Outlook (Sept. 19, 1983, p. 16). A selection of his columns has been published under the title With All Due Respect: Humorous Insights on "Holy" Happenings (1983).

452 - Let Us Pray

prayer. This country was born in prayer. Gen. George Washington went up there to Valley Forge and prayed us to victory over the British, who were also praying, but they didn't have the true faith. True faith always wins and America is the land of true faith, as well as true grit, true love, and True toothpaste.

So, let us all pray. We'll start with the Lord's prayer, because everyone can say that--unless you happen to be one of those 5,900,000 Jews, 300,000 Muslims, 565,000 Jehovah's Witnesses or 200,000 Buddhists, Baha' is and who knows what all, who are Americans. In which case, you can just sit quietly while the rest of us exercise our God-given right. As I said, America is a democracy and nobody can deny you the right to be a heathen if that is your pleasure.